“Opportunities go right by you because you think you’re not ready.” David Goggins, Retired Navy Seal and Ultra-Endurance Athlete
Over the summer, I was debating whether or not I should do Antelope Canyon as my first 50 mile ultra. I wrote about how it seemed meant to be because of an old photo I found of Horseshoe Bend in my vision board, but also how I was terrified of heights and fearful that I wouldn’t be able to handle the heights in the race.
After attending a ChiRunning Clinic and talking to the instructor, Lisa, about her experience, especially because she also fears heights, I felt a little more confident. In attendance was also another runner, Tricia, who had signed up for the race as her first ever ultra distance. Inspired by these two ladies, I went home that day and signed up as well. Unfortunately, by this point, the race was full so I was put on a wait list with 114 people ahead of me. For an ultra, that is a lot of people and the likelihood of me getting into this race was looking slim. Read more →
Last weekend I went to the Grand Canyon for the first time. You can read about the beginning of my adventure in this post. After finishing the Grand Canyon Half Marathon Saturday morning, C and I decided to hike below the canyon rim. After exploring our options on Bright Angel versus South Kaibab, C and I opted to hike to Skeleton Point. Not only was this a prime destination, it also would allow us to join Adventure Race’s Skeleton Club. Our destination was set.
I was feeling a little apprehension since I am deathly afraid of heights. Or more appropriately, I am deathly afraid of the long agonizing fall and subsequent splat that results from an untimely departure from a high place. Since this was my first trip to the Grand Canyon, I was uncertain how I would handle the trails. Nevertheless, I refused to let my fear hold me back though. Read more →
Friday afternoon I arrived in Tusayan, AZ to spend a weekend camping, running, and hiking with friends in the Grand Canyon – my very first trip. I have been struggling a lot for the last several months and in the days leading up to this adventure, I was dreading going. I had talked myself into thinking it was not going to be worth my time, that it was more stress than it was worth, and that being away from my family for two days was a bad idea.
In addition to all of this, I had convinced myself that my visit to the Grand Canyon would result in me falling to a spectacular and horrible death. Some days I can be a smidgen dramatic.
Luckily I have a lot of practice following through on the very things that my brain is so diligently telling me “Do Not Do”. In addition to that, I recently embraced ChiRunning which adds a whole new perspective to my running – one that brings more than just the physical benefits (I’ll tell you more about that soon). So Friday morning, I packed up my vehicle, picked up my friend, “C”, and we were on our way.
By the time we reached Tusayan, I was already feeling a thousand times better. Laughter and good conversation will do that for a girl. We pitched our tent and went to the race expo to pick up our packets for the Grand Canyon Half Marathon. We were going to run the race the next morning and the expo was charged with great energy and excitement for the next day.
C and I talked about heading to the visitors center to check out the canyon that night. We had plans to hike the next day after the race but didn’t want to waste an opportunity to see such a wonder. I was feeling nervous because the heights at the Grand Canyon have worried me for a while. I think C was getting nervous on my behalf, but she did a great job easing my fears by teasing me that any moment we were going to drive right off the cliff. Making light of a fear can be a powerful tactic.
We also spent lots of time laughing at the odd shape of my head that prevents me from looking cute in a trucker hat. If you are a trail runner, you will know how cute so many women look in trucker hats. Crazy I know, but very true. And I am desperate to find one that I like, but alas to no avail. We decided that my head was too much like a shrunken apple for me to ever look cute in a trucker hat!
The trip to the visitor’s center was well worth it as I got to enjoy the splendor of the Grand Canyon for the first time. No longer a Grand Canyon virgin, I can say that it is well worth the obstacles to get there. No wonder people travel from all over the world to take in its beauty. I am still awestruck almost a week later.
We headed back to our campsite where we hunkered down for the night. Temps were going to drop into the 20s and we were getting prepared. C wrapped herself in her mummy bag and I prayed I wouldn’t need too many middle of the night potty trips into the frigid woods. We survived, though I did learn that a Tempurpedic pillow turns to a solid rock in freezing temperatures. Lesson learned.
The next morning we awoke to find another friend, “K”, had just arrived after traveling 24 hours home from a relief mission in Puerto Rico. This chick is amazing and we were so excited that she was able to join us. I had planned to run the half with her and had been disappointed when it appeared she might not make it, so having her with us was quite the treat.
The half course did not go into the National Park grounds, but it did snake through the Kaibab National Forest. After so many months running in the desert, being surrounded by trees was a nice change. I love the wonder of tall pines towering over my head and the company was nothing short of phenomenal. K was a rock star completing the race after so many hours of traveling. At one point she even asked me to run ahead and see if we could catch the 3 hour pace group. What an ambitious inspirational woman!
Unfortunately I discovered the 3 hour pace group was about 3/4 of a mile ahead and that was too much space for K to make up in the last 3 miles. But it was funny to see the faces of the runners who saw me running in the wrong direction when I headed back to find K and let her know. Bonus, I got in an extra mile which is always welcome!
I will write more in my next post about the hike to Skeleton point that followed but I need to pause and reflect for a minute on how I felt at the end of this race compared to the morning before. The morning before, I was almost in tears trying to convince myself to go on this trip. I was overwhelmed by the very thought of doing something for myself. We finished the race with smiles on our faces and laughter on our lips.
When I am feeling down, the best medicine is a run, getting into nature, being with friends and family. These activities are often the hardest for me to motivate myself to do when my depression is at its strongest. With practice, I have learned to let those destructive thoughts flow away. I may not control when my depression flares up, but I control my own choices. My depression does not control me.
It has been a long hard road to be able to persevere when the going gets tough and it is not at all easy. With relentless forward progress, it is only possible where once it was impossible.